Sarah Sinclair: English 385.2

There’s a new exhibit over at the Glenbow that I’m going to go see this week. I’ll probably blog about it. I’m looking forward to seeing the art, and thinking about the politics of the exhibit. It’s a Canadian artist who does Western stuff, from what I can tell.

The Glenbow, as I’ve mentioned somewhere before, will let you in for free if you self-identify as First Nations. They don’t ask for a Status card or anything like that, just your community’s name.

I was walking by the museum the other night. On Stephen Avenue the museum shop has a window facing the street, with a display of what’s on sale in the shop. I was quite surprised to see a large headdress in there, obviously brand-new and made of synthetic material. It was alongside some other ‘Indian’ souvenirs: a drum, dreamcatchers, etc.. The museum is making money off of this stuff at the same time as promoting awareness about the First Nations in Alberta. Is this exploitation?? I feel like it is!

As a final note, I’ve added a link to the Glenbow website about this exhibit. Check out the link to the store as well, apparently the shop is “Calgary’s cultural treasure”.

I’m learning about the Theatre of the Absurd in another class and I think that some of it is quite relevant to this class as well. I’m blogging here to try and sort my ideas about both classes.

What does ‘absurd’ mean? well, I’ve only read a couple things and had a couple lectures on it so far, but here’s what I understand so far: it’s a demonstration that life ultimately has no meaning, that nothing is certain except for death. Meaning is contrived; we put meaning onto things, it’s not ‘natural’ or inherent. For instance, we try and use rationality to decide things. Why do we do that? Rational explanation takes us really far…science takes us really far, but in the end, it does not have all the answers. Neither does religion. These are two of the main things that give life meaning, but they ultimately do not give any meaning, just partial answers.

I’ve learned in this class to question why I read, write, think, and talk the way I do. I’ve been looking for the ultimate meaning behind why I am the way I am.  I ask what about my culture makes me who I am, and what I don’t understand about other peoples’ cultures makes me misunderstand them. I’m trying to learn to explore the meanings of words that we take for granted; where they get their connotations, why we use them the way we do, the different meanings we put on them.

Putting the two ideas together…well, maybe it’s not so easy. I guess what I figure at the moment is that because I think we exist as individuals, we can never communicate completely. Every ‘meaning’ we put on things will be different from one person to the next. Why try?

Depressing, but Albert Camus wrote in “The Myth of Sysiphus” that even though life has no meaning, people don’t just kill themselves because of the nature of life. We have life, and life gives us experiences that we enjoy, and why not use life?

This got kind of rambly, but I guess that what blogs are for.

It’s called “Two Worlds Colliding”, it’s by a Canadian lady who’s attending the University of Calgary right now, and it’s powerful, moving, and informative. I watched this film in class today, and the filmmaker was present in class to talk about the film afterwards and do a little Q & A.

The most impressive thing about the lady who made the film was that she right off said that documentaries are not objective forms of film. I learned this some time ago, but I was so glad to hear a filmmaker reminding us of that fact. She also volunteered to talk to anyone about their thoughts about the film through email, and I thought that was so great.

Anyway, the film concerns an incident, or rather, a series of incidents, in Saskatoon. Local cops drove some Native guys out to the edge of town in the middle of winter and a few of these guys died from it.  There were inquiries, firings, and denials, but largely the conflict between the cops and the Native guys seems unresolved. Suprisingly, the film puts a super light on most of the cops, calling them simply ignorant of the issue. And there is a new police chief in Saskatoon since about 2002 who has made great strides in improving relations between the cops and the First Nations community in Saskatoon.

I’d read about this issue in a book called “Starlight Tours” and I’d recommend that book highly as well. It’s not a local issue to Saskatoon, and it deals with wider issues of racism, ignorance, and authority as well.

I’m still not exactly sure what I’m going to do for my portfolio project. I’m writing this blog to try and sort through my ideas. The things that stick out to me so far are Thomas King’s writings, my own identity, scholarly versus artistic works, this “Native quality” that I’ve come across in writings and can’t explain, and the IAP/CEP programs. None of these things seem to go together!

I was originally thinking of researching Indigenous ways of teaching, and how they’ve changed because of residential schools. But my readings took me in another direction.

I was going to look at how residential schools affected identity and worldview, but my journals made me question my own identity so much. I’ve revealed through my journals this crazy internal conflict I have. I’m a Status Indian. I’m white-skinned. I was raised “Western”. I feel a stronger connection to my Native family than to my white family. I don’t know my family’s heritage language. Neither does my grandma, but she’s definitely an ‘Indian”. I have so many advantages because of my Status card, and I use those advatages, but I feel guilty every time I do! My kids won’t have Status. My Dad went to residential school.

So not only am I trying to work through this conflict, I’m also trying to broaden my understanding of why I think the way I think. The journalling is a really great tool, I’m finding, but I’m coming up with way more questions than I am answers.

So maybe one of my projects should be something personal. And maybe one can have something to do with residential schools because I have such an interest in promoting knowledge about IRSs. And maybe I can do a little project on Thomas King, or even just keep reading as much stuff of his as I can find.

This helped.